apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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