she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
