White coat. Heels.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
