Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
