names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
