if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
