We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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