Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
