Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize