theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
