The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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