he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize