If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
