A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
