wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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