Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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