I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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