Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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