i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
