I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
