apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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