you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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