Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
