every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
