A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
