New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
