I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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