I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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