y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
