Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
