Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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