I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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