My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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