If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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