I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
