Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
