Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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