My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
