I will die if light touches me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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