so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
