Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
