Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize