Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
