I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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