Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
