The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
