the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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