even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
