Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
