Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
