Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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