I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
