the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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