no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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