Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
