She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize