Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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