i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
