I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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