I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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