I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
