good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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