I can text with my tongue
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
