I hate your face
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
