Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
