You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize