Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
