I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
