Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
