brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
