my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize