As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
