He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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