I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize