He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
