walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
