why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
