Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
