i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
