1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That reminds me...we need to get swords
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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