Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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