Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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