I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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