beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
