she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
