i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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