Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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