found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
