I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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