You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
