just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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