how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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