Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
