there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
