It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
