Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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