Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
