There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
