Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize