You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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