That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
