i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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