Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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