I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
