She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
