do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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