I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize